What Hurts the Most
by Emmi30307
Summary: I stand on the roof watching the sunset. Remembering all the times we stood up here watching it together, and how you would always wrap your arms around me from behind, pulling me against your chest. Oneshot.


What Hurts the Most

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house _

_That don't bother me _

_I can take a few tears now and then _

_And just let them out _

It's pouring outside again. It's been raining for two weeks straight. It echoes through a house that is too big for just me. This constant stormy darkness outside isn't helping the lonely darkness inside of me. Days like these just make me miss you more.

_I'm not afraid to cry_

_Every once in a while even though goin' on _

_With you gone still upsets me _

I stand in front of the window with a picture of us in my hands. It was taken only a few days before our fight. The fight that made you walk out of the house, walk away from me. "Rich," I sigh, fogging up the window with my breath. "I wish you were still here." I don't like to admit it but "I can't live without you."

_There are days _

_Every now and again _

_I pretend I'm okay _

_But that's not what gets me _

I tried that before. I tried to pretend that I was okay without you around me. It was hard for me. You seemed to be everywhere I went. I never let myself go to you because I was too proud to let myself rely on someone. But I DID rely on someone…you. I always had and always will, that's why I followed you home and sat in front of your door, waiting for the strength I needed to tell you that "I needed you." So here I am sitting on the couch, crying over you, wishing you would come home.

_What hurts the most _

_Was being so close _

_And having so much to say _

_And watching you walk away _

I didn't mean what I said. I didn't want you to leave. I was upset and scared. Kind of like how I am tonight. I watched you walk away from our bedroom window. You didn't look back. "Did I push you away for good?"

_Never knowing _

_What could have been _

We were going to get married next month and finally start our own family. We wanted to move out of Gotham, out of the city. "I didn't want you to leave."

_And not seein' that lovin' you _

_Is what I was tryin' to do  
It's hard to deal with the pain _

_Of losing you everywhere I go _

_But I'm doin' it_

"I still love you Dick" I whispered to the photo, hoping that by saying those magic words would bring him back. The house creaked quietly in the storm and the rain still fell with a soft echo. But the front door never swung open. He still hadn't come home.

_It's hard to force that smile when I _

_See our old friends and I'm alone _

When I see you out with friends, I fake a smile and pretend to be alright. Hurrying on by I leave, before my smile fades into the pout that got you to do nearly anything for me. We never use to go out with friends without each other. We would always go together. You never left me alone for more than a moment.

_Still harder_

_Gettin' up, gettin' dressed_

_Livin' with this regret _

Each day is harder for me to take off the shirt you left behind. Getting dressed I look at the empty side of our closet. You use to let me go through the clothes and pick what you would wear that day.

_But I know if _

_I could do it over _

_I would trade, give away all the words _

_That I saved in my heart _

_That I left unspoken _

If I could turn back the clock I would. I would take it all back and say what I should have, the words I was always too scared to say. I never should have taken you for granted. I knew I would miss you. "I knew you would eventually find a flaw in me and leave." You were always better than me.

_What hurts the most _

_Was being so close _

_And having so much to say _

_And watching you walk away _

We wanted to get out of the city. Get a nice little house on the edge of the woods where it was less corrupt. You only wanted the best for me. You just wanted me to be happy. And I would have been happy wherever we went, as long as I had you by my side.

_Never knowing _

_What could have been _

We wanted to have our own family. We wanted kids and maybe a pet or two. But now that can't happen. You didn't look back. Why didn't you look back? Why haven't you come back home?

_And not seein' that lovin' you _

_Is what I was tryin' to do _

_I'm not afraid to cry _

Taking the picture to our room I lay in bed. My pillow had been thrown at the wall long ago because it didn't smell like you. Putting it back on the bed I put our picture on it and use yours for myself. Trying to keep the tears off the pillow only reminds me of how you would wipe them away because you hated to see me cry.

_Every once in a while even though goin' on _

_With you gone still upsets me _

It hurts waking up with the sun shining happily when there's no reason to smile. I would only smile in the morning because you were always there next to me. Now I wake up with my arms wrapped around your pillow, only to find that my dream of you being there was only a lie. "Please come back home, I'm sorry."

_There are days _

_Every now and again _

_I pretend I'm okay _

_But that's not what gets me _

I'm still trying to be on my own and still be happy. But it's not working too well. Everything in the house has a strong memory of us together tied to it. "I love you so much. It hurt almost _too_ much to watch you walk away."

_What hurts the most _

_Was being so close _

_And having so much to say _

_And watching you walk away _

I called the church today and canceled the wedding. I ran to our room and cried for two hours because I had let the best thing to ever happen to me walk way and leave me all alone. I haven't felt this alone since you first walked into my life.

_Never knowing _

_What could have been _

_And not seein' that lovin' you _

_Is what I was tryin' to do _

We had been so close to being the happiest people on the planet. But I acted like the bitch I can be. I pushed you away. And you walked out the door without giving it a second thought. I tried to let you go. But I couldn't let go of what we had together. Everything reminds me of you.

_What hurts the most _

I have no reason to stay here anymore…now that you're not around.

_Was being so close _

We were going to start a family together. We were all each other had.

_And having so much to say _

"I'm so sorry, for more than you will ever know."

_And watching you walk away _

I stand on the roof watching the sunset. Remembering all the times we stood up here watching it together, and how you would always wrap your arms around me from behind, pulling me against your chest.

_Never knowing _

I can't live without you. I KNOW that I can't.

_What could have been _

I walk to the edge of the roof and look at the road below.

_And not seein' that lovin' you _

"Raven," I hadn't realized how far I had been leaning over the edge. "do you really want to do it?"

_Is what I was tryin' to do_

He was standing in the doorway to the roof, his eyes shining with fear. I walked away from the edge and over to him. He wrapped me tightly in his arms whispering, "I love you too much to lose you like that!"


End file.
